Have you ever spent a day with a 5 year old? I mean a whole, 24 hours, nonstop day and night with a kindergartner. It's brutal, let me tell you. You wake up in the morning with them at approximately 6:15am. After telling them to go back to sleep and them playing a few games of "Angry Birds" on your iPhone, they ask you how long an hour is. Then they pick at your hair, ask you if you're still tired, and continually throw their stuffed animal in your face. Needless to say, you're up by 7am. You make them waffles and spread butter and syrup on them. Then the 5 year old complains there's too much syrup and makes you make new ones for them. After a quick, water fight also called bath time, the young child is clean and ready to get dressed. Then comes the picking out of outfits, also called the negotiation time. You argue whether jean shorts really go with the pink ruffly skirt she wants to wear on top. Or you argue about whether you need socks for sandals... According to kindergartners, you're feet will be too cold with sandals.
After wrestling with them to sit in their car seat, you drive them to the park. On the way, Taylor Swift is on repeat as well as the latest version of KidzBop. If you thought Justin Beiber was bad, just listen to this. You'll spend about 25 minutes at the park because the child will probably scrape their knee or have a nervous breakdown because someone stole their wood chips. So to make them feel better, you'll take them to Sonic and order them ice cream which they'll proceed to spill in your car and all over your school bag...with your laptop in it. After grabbing napkins to not only clean your car, but also wipe their tears you set out for home. And this is the best time of the day, naptime! Well that is if you can actually get the kid to nap. You'll read books, tell stories, shut the blinds, and put on the sounds of the ocean to calm them down. After closing the door lightly you'll hear them starting wailing that they don't need a bedtime. Advice to the wise... just put in your iPod and ignore. 20 minutes through listening to blasting music, you'll take out your earphones and discover the inevitable... silence. While thinking this is great, you soon hear a little voice come up to you, "I wet the bed" it says. And you spend your next few minutes collecting sheets, putting them in the washer, and once again collecting tissues to give to the 5 year old crying.
In the evening, you'll put on iCarly (Note to all... Barney does not exist to these new age kindergartners) and make them their Kid Cuisine dinner. They'll take a bite of their Dino Nuggets and burn their tongue and then you'll have to entertain them with holding an ice cube on their tongue while it messily melts down their shirt. This leads to the second bath time of the day, however, this one filled with screams and wailing because the shampoo got in their eyes or their Barbie mermaid's hair got stuck in the drain. After a second wrestling match and putting them in their Tinkerbell pajamas, you finally get them in bed. You read them a story and they encircle their body with their collection of stuffed animals. One must remember that the big ones circle the little one's feet and the important, smaller ones stay up top in a convenient cuddle position. Then gradually someone falls asleep....and it's you. You wake up snuggling a teddy bear and see it's 11:30pm and you've somehow been tucked beneath pink sheets. Oh and the 5 year old is nowhere to be found. Frantically you go in the living room and find them passed out with the TV blaring and a bowl of melted M&Ms in front of them and chocolate all over their face. And to add to the perfect timing, the child's parents walk through the door right as you are discovering the sleeping child.
Sound like a nightmare to you? Well that was my last Saturday with my little sister. I think it's funny schools spend so much time focusing on either abstinence only programs. With this epidemic of teenage pregnancy happening in the US, people really need to start getting creative with their teenage sex programs. In my opinion, have a high school senior spend a day with a 5 year old. They can take my sister if they want. Because any one would agree that 24 hours with these little monsters, is the best birth control out there. If this happened to be a nationwide experiment, I'd bet my money that the percentage of teenage pregnancies in America would drop drastically. I guarantee it.
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